Things I didn’t want to know

I  was blessed to have a relationship with my Great-grandmother until I was 17, a woman I’ve always admired as the most loving, quiet (as in not-anxious), generous and genuinely good woman I ever met.  Yes, in a way I idealize her, and I always will.

But last night, my Great-Grandmother came crashing down to earth as a real-live, flawed human being.  She didn’t come back to life, she didn’t visit me as a ghostly apparition.  She just became so much more….imperfect….

And I’m sad about it.  I didn’t want her to be that way.  I wanted her to always stay on that pedestal.

Here’s the story:  I have a cousin who is adopted, and the fact that she is adopted never, never in any way meant to me that she was any less a part of our family.  But last night, my grandmother told me that Great-grandma, although she loved my cousin, never really considered my cousin as her own great-grandchild.   She did not take the same pride in her that she did in her genetic great-grandchildren.  She never considered my cousin to be a real member of the family.

That hit me like a ton of bricks, because it addressed so many of my own fears and hesitations about adoption.  Not that I wouldn’t love my adopted child with all my heart.  I have no doubts about that.  But I do fear that my parents and the rest of my extended family would love any adopted child of mine less than the genetic progeny of the family.  I have felt really guilty about feeling that way for a long time, though in my defense, it’s not the primary reason that Tony and I haven’t adopted. [I'm sure I'll post more about that at a later time.]   But it has been a nagging concern of mine.

It’s a way of looking at your family that can be difficult and painful; trying to evaluate, not only how do you fit in your family as an infertile woman, but how would any adopted children fit into the family? Is your family open enough, accepting enough, tactful enough to see your child as  your child, regardless of the way that child joined your family?

My Great-grandmother had been my yardstick for Christian living all my life, and this unwelcomed piece of information does not sit well with my understanding of either her,  family or Christianity.

I believe that God honors adoption.  Some of His greatest works were wrought through adoption.  In fact, two of his greatest leaders, Moses and Samuel, were both adopted into other families.   And the letters of Paul indicate the very special relationship we have with God as adopted children.

Interestingly, I read this blog post today that brought the whole thing to mind again.

I will forgive my Great-grandmother for being imperfect.  In so many ways she still epitomizes Christian womanhood for me, and that’s probably where I committed my error.  The only measure of Christian living we look to should be Christ, anyone else is bound to disappoint us, but He never will.

And we can always be assured that He loves us as His very own children.