In my forays in blogland, I often come across great jewels of wisdom in unexpected places. For instance, I don’t expect to find great empathy and understanding for our hurts as infertile women in a blog that’s primarily about a young family with four children. In all honesty, it’s the kind of blog that I generally shy away from when I’m feeling fragile.
But then I came to this entry, a wonderful commentary on how our expectations in life often don’t live up to our realities by God’s design, how even when we go looking for a room in Bethlehem, we sometimes find ourselves in the stable.
So, I ask you, do you find yourself in a stable? Did you come to the holiday looking for rest, for comfort, for peace, but instead find yourself troubled, cold, and isolated? I know that many days, that’s exactly where I find myself, complete with scratchy hay in my ears, and quite frankly, a bit of manure on my shoes.
If you read the whole post, and I hope you do, (and believe me, I feel your flinch as you stumbling past the references to childbirth and delivery), I hope you don’t neglect to read the footnote in italics below the body of the post. This note states that many scholars believe that, although Mary may have given birth in a stable, she probably had female members of her family present with her at such a critical time to assist her. Many of the mothers who commented on that post commented on the fact that they were comforted by the fact that Mary hadn’t been alone during childbirth.
I’m just comforted by the fact that Mary wasn’t alone in the stable. And if I allow God to light a lantern in the darkness of my stable, and I look up from the dirt of the stable and around, I can see the faces of the many beautiful women who are the members of my family in Christ. For no matter what hardships or uncertainties drive me to the stable, I am not in the stable alone.

5 comments
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December 14, 2007 at 12:04 am
Missy
Trish, the thought that I might have “salted” you means more to me than you will ever know.
I am not infertile obviously, but I was raised by a couple who was – I was adopted at birth. And I praise God that my mom could not conceive, because otherwise, I would have missed the blessing of being her daughter.
Blessings,
Missy
December 14, 2007 at 12:26 am
Missy
Trish, you don’t need to publish this comment, I just can’t find any way to email you!
I just want you to know that I really am enjoying your blog. Maybe that is narcissistic of me because I think we have similar writing styles
and I think it is uncanny how similar our posts on Mary are.
I hope that I don’t offend you by anything I might say. Because I was adopted and had various plumbing problems I always assumed that I would have trouble getting pregnant. I am very glad that is not the case, but I have a heart for women who can’t. That is why I even feel like I might be offensive saying that…because I am able to conceive so easily, I feel so sensitive around women who are not, I am almost afraid to talk to them, that I might hurt their feelings. I made the mistake of asking a friend recently when she was planning to have kids – because I had been TOLD by another friend that they had not started by choice – and when she said they were having problems – oh, I still feel like such a HEEL.
Anyway, again, I am not sure why I am telling you all this but I think your blog is wonderful and it is giving me more insight into what some of my friends are going through. And I pray that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart.
You keep salting too.
Missy
Hi Missy! Thanks so much for coming by and commenting! We have enjoyed your original post so much. No, you don’t offend me by anything you have said, nor do I think any of my readers would be offended! We are all women, and we all have hopes, dreams, and fears. What I think is important is that we continue to love and encourage one another, regardless of what stables we happen to be in. I also really appreciate the love you feel for your mother, and your thankfulness that you were adopted into her family! For many women who choose adoption as a way of family building, there is a silent fear that their adopted children won’t love them the way a biological child would. I know that your comment about being blessed by adoption brought great comfort to a lot of women who are considering adoption or have adopted. But again, the most important thing is that we love! Thanks again, Trish
December 14, 2007 at 9:19 am
screamofcontinuousness
wow. what a beautiful post. She really does need to make that available to RESOLVE for next year’s newsletter.
Thanks for sharing it.
Deirdre
December 17, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Lori
Trish,
I found you via PW’s site and I just feel so much gratitude toward you right now. For being honest, upfront and open with your pain and your faith. Infertility has affected my life for the past 4 years. My husband and I have one son, whom we conceived naturally and I give all the glory to God for his life and know that the prayers of many friends and family brought this blessing to us. As we have learned more and more about the reasons for our infertility, his life seems nothing less than a miracle. But isn’t all of life?
My unique niche on the wide scale of infertility is being caught in the middle. I feel I have to hide my pain, because I have a child, and how could I ask for another one. But I suffered the loss of my first pregnancy at 12 weeks. (We’ve been trying for almost 2 years for our second child) And I get asked constantly by mothers with multiple children when we will have another. Many seem to think I am waiting too long to give my child a sibling. I try to delicately say that we’ve been praying for quite some time to do just that.
I have another friend with 2 children, who is praying for a third. Both of her babies were IUI pregnancies and she suffered multiple miscarriages on her journey. Isn’t her infertility just as valid as mine? As yours?
How can you tell someone, who aches for a child, who feels their family is incomplete, that they should be satisfied.
Only God knows our heart and the desires we have for our family.
I am going to be sure to referr several people I know to your blog and I hope they find some comfort and freedom here as I have.
Thanks so much!
I will also pray for you and your husband.
“I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.” Psalm 130:5
Thank you so much for your prayers! One thing that this journey has taught me is that the safest place to be is in the hands of God. Your comment and your pain moved me so much, that to answer it in a follow-up comment just isn’t sufficient. Please check back, because the next post is for you. ~Trish
August 17, 2009 at 7:42 am
what to say « stream of continuousness
[...] back when I was going through the whole IVF process, after the second try failed, a dear freind pointed me to a post by this woman named Missy. It was a Christmas post about how Mary hadn’t [...]